Tears

Today I cried:
- When I was on the phone fighting with my sister... because I realize family should be the biggest support you have and if you don't have that, who do you have? It makes me feel lonely.
- For my brother
- While looking at a picture my mom gave me of me singing next to my Grandpa (sometimes I forget how much he meant to me. That fact alone makes me sad)
- Because my Recital is in 5 days and I don't feel as prepared as I could be
- Because life changes and it's scary and exciting
- Because my mother loves me.

I post all of this because crying for me is a rare occurrence. I guess when the flood gates need to be opened, you just have to let them pour out.

Now my eyes are tired and I will go to sleep praying that tomorrow is a better day and that someday, somehow... God will fix my family.

Inspired.

I have recently become motivated to better my piano skills.. perhaps this is because I am teaching students beginning piano and feel a bit inept or possibly because I am now realizing the importance of this instrument in the field I desire to teach for the rest of my life (voice)... anyway, I am now exploring my chordal knowledge and think if at least I can play the chords and fake it for now, I'll be better off than not doing anything at all.... so if you'd like to contribute to my chordal abilities, please apply.

In all other news, I have all but 1 of my vocal songs memorized for my Recital. This is getting exciting. Now it's just a matter of getting in line with my accompanist and getting a few instrumentalists together and I'm set. My rehearsal with the Choir for "Find Your Grail" went very well the other night.. I constantly found myself exclaiming "That's so pimp!".. which in English means "wow that sounds amazing!".. so yeah :) looking forward to the final project!

Last week I received a call offering me the position of "Education Director" for Christian Arts & Theatre so I happily accepted and am now looking forward to working full time and having some stability.. March can't come any sooner.. oh wait.. yes it can.. my Recital is at the end of March! Oh man!!!

Another funny story.... actually I don't feel like writing it all out. Let's just say the Nigerian Check Scam is very real and very freaky. I was almost a victim. Never deposit a cashier's check from anyone you don't know. And never offer your services online. End of story.

Happy Valentine's Day. Good night.

I was not meant to speak German.

That's been my anthem all day. I used to have a hard time memorizing French, but somehow that memory block has turned to German, and now I am frustrated with my inability to recall the words of 4 German songs I've sung over the last 4 years...

so what do I do instead of memorize? I scour my entire house. That's right. When I get stressed out or frustrated, I clean. My house is probably happy with me, but Betty won't be come Monday in my voice lesson.

To Do This week:
- Memorize Music
- Outline for Recital Paper
- Write "American Idol" script for my Acting class
- Prepare to teach 17 students (the numbers keep getting higher... yay!)
- Decorate my office (been meaning to do this one for a while)
- Look through "Annie Get Your Gun" music and get an estimate of what we need to buy
- Eat fruit.

........ I like country music and I'm not afraid to admit it :)